There, I said it.

I really struggle with playing pretend, and if you’ve ever been corrected by your child mid–tea party, you know exactly why.

I know some of you are going to come for me with pitchforks and torches. But I am sure there are just as many of you thinking “finally someone said it!”.

“Mommy, come play with me!” triggers me the same way a Slack notification does.

And to be clear—this isn’t about my daughter. She’s imaginative and hilarious and doing exactly what she’s supposed to do.

But playing pretend feels like a full-time job where there’s a very clear vision but no one is explaining it, so you’re left piecing it together and somehow still getting it totally wrong.

“No mommy… like this.”
My sweet child, how was I supposed to know that Olaf was supposed to walk in a handstand up the stairs of that castle, and not this castle.

“No mommy, eat like this.”
Eat like this…? I didn’t realize there was a wrong way to pretend to eat plastic food.

“No mommy… this goes here.”
*throws hands up in defeat*

Before you come for me, I am trying so hard to enjoy these moments. I want to enjoy the silliness and joy she feels when I play with her. And I desperately want to enjoy playing with her. She has such a fun imagination, but I can’t keep up with her train of thought. It’s like an express train and if I’m not already onboard, it’s almost impossible to catch up.

And while I’m being aggressively coached through a pretend tea party, my brain is simultaneously running twelve other tabs:
I need to fold the laundry.
I should really put in another load too.
We are low on snacks. I need to add those to the grocery list.
I need to meal plan… should we do burgers this week?
I hope baby brother stays down longer than 45 minutes this nap.
Shoot I forgot to email that client back.
Should I just quit my job?
Do I smell poop?
When was the last time she went potty?
When was the last time the dog went out?
Oh I need to refill the dogs meds with the vet.
Is this what burnout feels like?

The mental load that plays on a loop while I try to play with my daughter is exhausting. Then adding the feeling of constant failure from not playing “right”…

Why do I hate playing pretend?

For moms, “play with me” can land on a nervous system that has already been climbed on, cried on, asked for snacks by, and interrupted 46 times since 6:02 AM. Sometimes it is not actually that we hate playing with our kids. We hate that it requires energy we do not currently have.

We hate that it asks for imagination when we are currently using every ounce of brainpower just to keep the household from collapsing into feral chaos.

We hate feeling guilty for not enjoying something we’re told we’re supposed to treasure.

What can I do instead?

This is the part I am still trying to figure out. It is not easy in the slightest.

I am starting to realize that I might not be the “fun mom” I once set out to be. I think I am more of the overstimulated raccoon mom.

But here are a few things my daughter and I have found we enjoy together– that help us connect but don’t leave me completely zapped:

Visits to our local museum– For her birthday, my daughter was gifted a membership to our local children’s museum. It gives her space to play, while I can “play” with her, which is really more like “helping” and observing. Plus it let’s her socialize with other kids her age, and I can talk to other parents. Adult connection is lacking in this household.

Playtime at the park/playground – We love getting out energy on the playground. It’s again a space where I can “play” without there really being a subjective “right” way to play.

Trips to the library- We are both a sucker for a good book, and the children’s section of our museum offers play space, as well as plenty of book options and reading kits we can take home. Plus story time is always fun and a nice break from being the one doing the reading.

Coffee runs- Mom gets caffeinated and my daughter has a “special drink” (water with fruit add in) that gives us a nice moment to bond and chat while drinking our drinks.

Baking together- This can go both ways because ultimately something spills, and theres a big mess which only adds to the mental load. Or my daughter loses interest as soon as the stirring is done because she wants to lick the spoon so I am left by myself.

Spending time in the yard- Honestly, underrated. We have activities she can do. Currently I hear a lot more “mom watch me!” as my eyes are already on her, but it gets her outside, exerting plenty of energy, and I don’t feel I need to be “playing” 100% of the time… just keeping an eye on her so she doesn’t wander to the street.

Reading books– Goes hand in hand with going to the library. I love reading and I want to instill that in my children. My daughter can sit with a book and stare at the details of each picture. Some days I read 20+ books with her. It gives us something to do that again, I can’t really get wrong. We have some favorite books like the Biscuit series where she now is in charge of the animal noises in the book so it gives us time to bond as a family.

I may never love being told I’m playing pretend “wrong.” But I am learning that balance isn’t about forcing myself to enjoy everything.

It’s about making sure my kiddos never feel I am disinterested in them, and finding different ways to stay connected with them.