Hi, I’m Alana. I’m a 32-year-old working mom of two, and I have no idea what the heck I am doing.

You know 13 Going On 30? Like that. But I woke up one day and instead of bigger boobs and a cool job, I was handed stretch marks and two tiny humans. Now I’m just hoping no one realizes I’m still figuring this sh*t out.

I work full time from home. I am married to my best friend and together we have an almost three-nager, a human baby, and a fur baby, which means my life is basically a rotating schedule of meetings, naps, snacks, diapers, forgotten water bottles, doctors or vet visits, and trying to remember where I left my phone.

Growing up, I was always the “mom” friend. The one with snacks, water, band-aids (yes, really), and the one keeping everyone in line. In high school and college, my nickname was literally “mom.”

My college roommates used to joke that I’d have kids so early I’d probably need a second round years later just to make sure I had one in the same age group as theirs.

And honestly… I didn’t mind. I always knew I wanted to be a mom.

Which is a sharp contrast to the “investment banker” I told people that I wanted to be when I was 3. (I was a weird kid, okay!) Still not clear on what that job actually entails other than sleep deprivation… so hey, guess I kinda followed my dream there.

So, now here I am with two beautiful children, a husband, a dog, a career, and I feel like I have absolutely no f*cking idea what I am supposed to be doing.

I babysat so much when I was younger I was certain I would be the most confident, calm mom ever. But you know know what everyone says: “you’re the perfect mom until you become a mom.”

I envisioned this calm, easy breezy, motherhood and instead I feel so lost. Those days of remembering snacks, bandaids and water bottle are long gone and in its wake is chaos, dysfunction, and a whole lot of ChatGPT and Google to figure it out.

So join me as I document figuring this momming thing out in real time.

I’m not going to pretend I am an expert or that I’ve cracked some code.

This is just me, trying to make sense of juggling motherhood, a career, life and whatever the heck balance is supposed to look like when life is this full.

So, hey! I’m Alana. I’m a bit of a hot mess, and I am still trying to figure this mom thing out.